Your Mind Pushes You to Follow the Same Old Pattern

Past experiences profoundly shape our daily lives, often influencing our self-perception and worldview unconsciously. These deeply ingrained thought patterns can either lead to mental health challenges, such as trauma or other psychopathologies rooted in childhood issues, or simply create persistent discomfort rather than effective solutions. Psychology professionals work to help individuals break free from rigid cognitive frameworks and adopt new ones better suited to their present potential.

How Your Past Shapes Your Present: An Interview with Psychologist Ana Ocaña

Clinical psychologist Ana Ocaña has dedicated over two decades to helping people shed limiting thought patterns. In this discussion, she illuminates how the past impacts our present through deeply internalized mental schemas that we unconsciously repeat daily.

Why Do We Repeat Past Patterns Despite Wanting Change?

Our brains create **cognitive schemas** or **mental models** – shortcuts for interpreting reality and reacting quickly, particularly during childhood. These schemas become deeply consolidated through repetition, acting as an unconscious “autopilot” that guides our functional, psychological, and emotional worlds without our explicit awareness. This mechanism conserves mental energy but often leads to outdated or unhelpful responses.

Consciously wishing to act differently is often insufficient because these subconscious schemas possess significant inertia. To change, it is not enough to desire it; it is necessary to dismantle old schemas and consciously construct new ones, a complex task that often requires external support.

How Early Experiences Mold Adult Thoughts, Feelings, and Actions

Childhood experiences are crucial because our brains are in a critical developmental phase. These early interactions form the foundation of our self-perception and worldview. For example, a child raised in an environment where emotions are validated learns that their feelings are important, fostering a healthy emotional relationship. Conversely, if emotions are ignored or punished, the child may learn to suppress them, leading to difficulties in managing emotions in adulthood.

Human vulnerability at birth necessitates complete dependence on caregivers, shaping our identity and mental health through the **attachment system**. This prolonged period of dependency, while making us susceptible to emotional wounds, also allows for the unparalleled development of learning, adaptation, and capacity. In adulthood, these early patterns manifest in various ways, influencing how we relate to others, our insecurities, our capacity for handling frustration or success, and even our communication styles.

Formation of Mental Models and Cognitive Schemas

Cognitive schemas form from significant and repetitive experiences, especially during childhood. The developing brain absorbs environmental information to create a personalized, emotionally colored map of reality. For instance, a child consistently labeled “clumsy” may develop the schema “I am a clumsy person.” Even with future successes, this subconscious schema can continue to influence their self-image and decision-making. These schemas act as filters, processing information and determining how we feel, perceive ourselves, and navigate the world.

Impact of Demanding or Unaffectionate Parental Models on Self-Esteem

Parental models are fundamental for building self-esteem and shaping identity. A demanding or unaffectionate environment can lead to **fragile self-esteem**. Children who grow up with parents demanding high performance without providing emotional validation may internalize the belief that their worth depends solely on achievements. This often results in adults with a constant need for external approval and a deep **fear of failure**.

Similarly, emotional **neglect** teaches children that their feelings and needs are unimportant, fostering a profound sense of abandonment and the belief that the world is a hostile place. A **lack of clear boundaries** deprives children of necessary structure and security, leading to feelings of being lost, low frustration tolerance, and difficulties with self-regulation. Both extremes hinder the development of **secure attachment** and a healthy self-image. Successful parenting lies in balance: providing a foundation of love and emotional validation alongside firm boundaries that guide children toward independence and responsibility, fostering an intrinsic sense of self-worth.

Are Current Emotional Difficulties Linked to an Unprocessed Past?

Yes, absolutely. Most emotional difficulties encountered in therapy, such as **emotional dependency**, **commitment avoidance**, or intense **fear of rejection**, are often manifestations of unresolved past experiences. When a person has experienced an emotional wound, such as childhood rejection, their brain may develop protective mechanisms to prevent that wound from reopening. In this case, the fear of rejection becomes an internal alarm, activated by any situation the brain interprets as a threat. Therefore, processing the past is crucial. Therapy helps individuals process these experiences and understand why certain patterns recur, enabling them to act consciously rather than on the “autopilot” of trauma.

Defining Trauma in Contemporary Psychology

Today, psychology’s definition of trauma extends beyond single, catastrophic events like accidents or natural disasters to include **relational** or **subtle trauma**. This type of trauma is not a singular incident but the cumulative result of repeated, damaging experiences within relationships, such as emotional neglect, lack of affection, abandonment, or constant criticism.

The key distinction lies in the nature of the event. While evident trauma is like a large, visible wound, relational trauma is akin to thousands of small wounds accumulating over time. Both are equally painful, but subtle trauma is often harder to identify because there isn’t one clear event to pinpoint. Therefore, therapeutic intervention is essential to identify and heal these hidden wounds.

How Therapy Helps Reframe Past Experiences for Present Freedom

Therapy provides a safe and structured environment to explore and process unresolved experiences. The goal is not to erase the past but to **resignify** it—to change the narrative we hold about what happened. In therapy, individuals can re-examine painful experiences from a new perspective, understanding the origins of their fears and patterns with their current resources and with the guidance of a therapist. This process allows individuals to transition from being victims of their history to protagonists who can write a new chapter, assigning responsibility appropriately and freeing themselves from self-blame.

Therapy equips individuals with tools to unlearn harmful patterns and develop new ways of thinking, feeling, and acting, liberating them from the heavy burdens of **guilt** and **shame** often associated with childhood and adolescent traumas. Ultimately, it aims to heal the past to restore emotional autonomy and enable a freer, more authentic life in the present.