Personal relationships, and especially those of a couple, are often complex.. After the stage of falling in love has passed, it is common for problems and situations to arise that move away from the idyllic relationship we imagined at the beginning.
When these problems are not solved well, they lead to deep problems that can lead to rupture. This puts the relationship at risk, but there are always alternatives about how to save the marriage.
Before you think about the breakup, you can save the marriage
As long as there is disposition of both, it is possible to avoid the rupture. It takes willingness and a lot of communication, this will always make it possible to solve misunderstandings and problems in favor of both.
If you want to know how to save your marriage, here are ten tips that can help restore harmony, improve communication and make love reborn. While each couple and situation is unique, these alternatives can be very helpful for most married couples.
As already mentioned, the first step is to know if there is a willingness on both sides. No advice, strategy or therapy will work if either of you no longer has an interest in saving the marriage. If the decision has been made and one (or both) of the two consider it better to leave the boat… surely it would be best to let logic prevail.
However, both partners may feel that there is still a lot to fight for. For this reason, the first thing to talk openly about is whether there is a willingness to do what is necessary to solve problems and move forward. In order to talk about this, we must try to remain calm, leave the grievances and focus only on knowing what the position of both parties is.
2. Effective communication
Effective communication is key to any type of personal relationship. It is even more so in marriage and of course in efforts to save and regain love. Effective communication requires that we express correctly what we feel and think and listen with openness.
This means that it is not only a matter of speaking, but of connecting at the moment in which dialogue is taking place. You have to look into your eyes, you have to be open-minded and empathetic to listen to what the other says and you have to be able to express clearly what you feel.
3. Admitting responsibility, eliminating accusations
During a marriage crisis, it’s common to get caught up in mutual accusations.. A human reaction is to blame the other for the situation we are living. However, it takes effort on both sides to stop such reactions.
The healthiest and most mature way to begin working on what is necessary to save the marriage is to do a job of honesty with oneself and admit those things in which we have acted wrongly or omitted, and stop blaming the other.
4. Identify leakage mechanisms
When there is a crisis in marriage it is common to find ways to avoid the situation.. It is important to identify them, and that requires honest introspection work. It is not a good idea for the other person to recriminate these forms of evasion.
The most serious and obvious evasions are infidelity or addiction. This does not require much work to identify it, but you have to admit it openly (in the case of infidelities, the solutions are different) and look for solutions. Other forms of evasion when a marriage becomes watertight are: excessive work, social networks, engaging in other activities more than the necessary time, etc.
5. Eliminate leaks
Once they have admitted the leaks they use, they must be eliminated.. It is important to take the time to attend to the marriage crisis. Therefore, if it has already been identified that there are activities or situations that function as escape or avoidance to face the crisis, they must be eliminated.
That is why the willingness on both sides to save the marriage is so important, because it requires an effort to admit one’s faults rather than accuse the other. In addition to the willingness to eliminate leaks in order to concentrate on what is needed, we must take the time and plan how to manage our time and our relationship while avoiding these damaging flight mechanisms.
6. Seek professional support
Whenever possible, you have to go to professionals to save the marriage. Couples therapy by a mental health professional. A psychologist specialized in couples will be able to orient you on the best way to avoid the rupture in the couple.
However, it is important to come with sufficient openness, willingness, honesty and the ability to take responsibility for the actions committed. Without any of this, the therapy will not work, as it requires an absolute commitment on both sides to carry it out.
7. Positive language
In the face of a marriage crisis, it is common to allow oneself to be carried away by resentments, but this must be avoided at all costs. It takes an effort to let go of grievances, guilt, and arguments.. One way to reinforce the work in therapy and the work to save the marriage is to avoid fights.
Positive language is helpful. We must focus on the pleasant and outstanding aspects of the couple and the relationship. So when there’s a threat of a fight, it’s best to calm down, take some time and think and express something positive to relieve the tension. If the mood is very hot, it is best to let 24 hours pass and avoid confrontation before resuming the conversation with a more positive state of mind.
8. Doing activities together
Spending time alone doing things you like is helpful in saving the marriage. In the effort to avoid fights and grievances also there should be a willingness to resume the activities you enjoy together and to do so with a positive attitude.
Whenever possible, you should take up these leisure activities together. No children, if any, no friends or family. If you can do things that you liked when you were engaged or during the first dates, it will undoubtedly be of great help because it will bring back to your memory the moments that made you happy.
9. Recovering privacy
It is common that in a marriage crisis intimacy is totally relegated.. In some cases it happens that you continue to have intimate relationships, but once they are over, the quarrels and quarrels return.
One of the goals is to regain healthy and loving intimacy. In other words, it is important to talk openly about how you feel in this area, and to work to recover intimacy as a form of expression of love and not as an attempt to solve the conflict, especially if it is not working.
10. About infidelities
When the marriage crisis is due to the infidelity of one or both, there is also a solution.. It is widely believed that an infidelity is the end of a couple’s relationship. However, as long as there is a willingness to move forward, marriage can be saved.
In these situations, it is essential to seek professional help. For it requires emotional work to heal resentments and achieve a sincere forgiveness that allows you to move forward in the relationship, but in a healthy way and without burdens of the past. Otherwise, it will always be better to consider whether it is really good to move forward.
- Christensen A., Atkins D.C., Baucom B., Yi J. (2010). Marital status and satisfaction five years following a randomized clinical trial comparing traditional versus integrative behavioral couple therapy. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology.
- O’Donohue, W. and Ferguson, K.E. (2006): Evidence-Based Practice in Psychology and Behavior Analysis. The Behavior Analyst Today.
- Sternberg, J. (1997). Satisfaction in close relationships. Guilford Press.